


The Choice

by KJFern



Series: The Warden's Life [2]
Category: Dragon Age
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-04-28
Updated: 2012-06-07
Packaged: 2017-10-18 18:17:53
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 14,833
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/191820
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KJFern/pseuds/KJFern
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The Warden ( Arianna Cousland)  must choose between Zevran and Alistair.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

With a loud clang and a clash of steal, the blades of thetwo warriors met. Arianna struck out again with her long sword, but her opponent deftly blocked the thrust of her blade with his heavy shield. Once again Ariannathrust her blade forward, but she could not get throughhis defenses; his heavy shield quickly knocked her sword aside. She looked at him and cursed in sheerfrustration. He simply raised his eyebrows at her and said nothing.

  Arianna’s breathing was becoming extremely labored and her eyes were stinging from the steady stream of sweat that was running into them. Her face was flushed red from the heat of her exertion and from the warmth of the sun’s rays that beat down upon her.

 _Andraste's holy fire! Is he_ ever _going to tire?_ Arianna was more than a little frustrated that she had been unable to unarm or best the warrior before her. She shot the man a look of irritation as she circled around him, trying to find a chink in his defenses that her blade could exploit.

  They had been trading blows for over two hours now and Arianna was getting near the end of her stamina. Her arms were beginning to tire and cramp. The left arm carrying her shield was only a little less sore than the right arm that held her sword, and that was due to the fact that she was less skilled with a shield then he, therefore she tended to use her sword more than her shield in defense. Her long legs were starting to tremble from exertion and she feared that they might buckle at any time. Yet her pride urged her on, and she refused to back down or yield, despite her great weariness.

  Back and forth, the evenly matched warrior’s parried, each trying to find an opening; a weakness in the other's defenses, in order to make that last final blow that would bring an end to their skirmish. For the past two hours they had been fighting, each unwilling to surrender, each unwilling to call a draw.

  Arianna was getting angry and she was losing her patience. She was tired and hungry, and she was covered in sweat and grime. She caught her own scent on a stray breeze and wrinkled her nose in distaste- she really, _really_ , needed to bathe.

She sighed in irritation and swore at the man again. She'd had enough.

Without warning Arianna took her shield and threw it with all her might, aiming directly at the other warrior's head. The man raised his shield and ducked for cover. Arianna quickly switched her sword to her other hand, and thrust the tip of her blade into his left side, right under his raised, shield arm.

  Her warrior opponent yelled out in pain. Arianna quickly switched her sword back to the first hand, and fell to one knee as the other warrior thrust his own blade forward in response. She dodged his blow and hit him in the side of his knee with the broad side of her sword, and then rolled away.

  The warrior's leg buckled and he fell to his knees hard. Arianna rapidly regained her feet and proceeded to plant her booted foot into the center of his back and kicked hard. He fell forward and landed face first in the dirt, his breath almost knocked out of him. He hastily rolled to his back and there he found Arianna looking down upon him with the point of her blade aimed at his neck, just under his chin.

  "Do you yield the day?" Arianna asked him. She looked down into Alistair’s dirt and sweat-stained handsome face and waited for his reply.

  Alistair did not answer, but instead he started to laugh at her good-naturedly.

  "I said _yield_ , you insufferably lout!" Arianna pressed her blade to his throat hard and a small trickle a blood started flowing as the tip of the steel pierced his skin. She glared down at him.

  "Ouch!" he yelped. "By the Maker, that hurts, woman," Alistair said in an injured tone.

  Arianna looked at him in an apologetic way and relaxed her stance. Alistair immediately hit her sword to the side with his forearm, kicked his leg up and out, connecting with one of her knees. Arianna lost her balance and fell to the ground, landing on her very lovely shaped rear quarters.

  Alistair quickly stood up and looked down at Arianna as she lay sprawled on the hard ground, rubbing her bruised nether regions.

  "Do _you_ yield the day, my lady?" he asked her with a mischievous grin. He began laughing at her again when she let loose a string of curses that were aimed at him and his somewhat questionable parentage.

  "You are… you… you are insufferable, Alistair! I had you beaten- admit it!" Arianna glared up at him. Alistair grinned and just laughed at her again.

  "Maker's breath, woman. There's no need to get your knickers in a bunch. If it makes you feel better, I'll just let everyone think you won the match… including you." Alistair chuckled loudly, quite pleased with himself.

  Arianna was too tired and too sore to argue with him anymore. She sighed in exasperation and raised a gauntleted hand to him. "Help me up, Alistair."

  Alistair reached down and helped his disgruntled companion regain her feet. They both collected their shields and swords and started walking back to the campsite. The two Grey Wardens continued on down the dusty path, walking together side-by-side in a comfortable silence, each lost in their own thoughts.

  After several moments had passed by, Alistair gave Arianna an inquiring look. "Why did you let your guard down like that? You've never worried about hurting any of your opponents before."

  "It's not the same, Alistair. You're not my enemy. And I thought I might have really hurt you," she replied in a quiet voice. "I'm sorry if I did. Hurt you."

  Alistair gave her a quizzical glance. Arianna kept looking straight ahead and would not meet his gaze. He wondered what was going on with her. Her behavior towards him over the last few months had been erratic at best. One moment she was carefree and easy-going with him and the next…she turned into, well…Morrigan- a _witch_ with a capital " _B_ ".

  At that very moment, Arianna was trying to figure out just what was wrong with her, as well. Things had become so much more complicated for her, ever since she had accepted that rose from Alistair.

  When she had looked down at Alistair and saw the blood trickling down his neck, and realized that he had been wounded by her hand… her heart had almost stopped beating in her chest. Arianna knew that she had not seriously hurt him for she had not applied that much pressure to her blade…and yet… Arianna was afraid to examine her feelings any further, for she wasn't quite ready to face the truth yet.

  The two Grey Wardens continued walking together in silence, but it no longer was a comfortable one.

  Upon entering the camp, Arianna gave a cursory look around to make sure that all was well. She observed that Zevran was nowhere to be seen, but she also noticed that his bow was missing from the spot where he usually kept it. That could only mean that he had decided to go hunting for fresh meat. The elf was an excellent archer and often supplied their small group with rabbits, fowl, and small deer to eat.

  Arianna saw that Morrigan was sitting by her tent reading, one of her tomes to do with magic, know doubt. Sten was sitting by the fire, cleaning his long sword. Oghren and Leliana were sitting in front of her tent trading stories.

  Oghren looked like he was already deep into his cups. Arianna never understood how the red-haired dwarf could drink so much and still function. And by the disapproving looks that Wynne was giving Oghren, from where she was sitting, Arianna thought that that the older mage was probably thinking the same thing as she.

  Arianna heard her Mabari hound barking and looked around to locate him. He was sitting in front of Shale, trying to get her attention, but the golem was pretending not to notice him. Arianna noticed a small pile of dead birds near the mighty golem. Shale _really_ had a thing against birds. She sighed in resignation and decided not to say anything to Shale about the dead birds for the moment. Arianna passed by the golem with a friendly nod of her head and avoided looking at the pile of bird carcasses.

  Oghren noticed the Wardens' arrival and shouted out to them, "By the Ancestors! We all thought you two had gotten lost, you've been gone so long." He looked at Alistair and Arianna through bloodshot eyes that seemed to be having trouble focusing. "By the Stone, you two look like nug droppings! Who won the match, by the way?"

  "I did," replied both the Wardens in unison.

  Alistair looked at Arianna and raised his eyebrows at her. " _You_ won the match? I don't think so. If anything it was a draw."

 _Why did he always have to be so bloody difficult?_ "Okay. Let's say it was a draw and be done with it." She shot him an irritated look and then walked away towards her tent.

  Alistair watched Arianna go, and thought to himself that she was the most beautiful woman he had ever seen. Even though she was covered in sweat and grime, and her disposition seemed out of sorts at the moment, he still thought her beautiful, both inside and out.

  "Well I'll be a casteless nug-wrangler! The Grey Warden is in love!" exclaimed Oghren after belching quite loudly.

  "Oghren, where have you been?" inquired Leliana, as she tried in vain to avoid the alcoholic fumes that the inebriated dwarf had just sent her way. "She and Zevran have been together for months now." Leliana looked at the dwarf strangely. He must be drunker than usual, she thought.

  "Not _that_ Warden- the other one. Alistair. He's in love with her," replied Oghren. "I may be drunk, but I'm not too drunk to see that." He belched again to make more room, and then took another long swill of his ale.

  Leliana looked at Alistair closely and then glanced at Oghren. "You may be right. I wonder if she knows that he's in love with her."

  "I don't know. But by the Stone, things are going to get mighty interesting around here," Oghren replied with a loud boisterous laugh. He raised a bushy red eyebrow and asked Leliana, “Shall we make a wager on which one she’ll end up with?”

  The auburn-haired Bard just gave him a disapproving look.

  Oghren chuckled when a wayward thought came to him. “Hey- maybe she’ll keep both of them. They could have a… whatcha call it? That thing that means having sex with three people- always did wonder why Branka didn’t decide to just do that instead of running of with her girlfriend…” Oghren’s voice trailed off as images filled his mind. He looked at Leliana and asked, “You have any of that salve left? The one that is sort of…slippery? I think I’ll just head to my tent for some alone time.”

  Leliana just turned with a small shudder of distaste and pointed to her pack. She suddenly had the strong urge to drink herself into a drunken stupor. There were just some things about Oghren that she really, _really_ didn’t ever need –or want- to know.

  Leliana sighed and then turned back around to watch thoughtfully as Arianna ducked under the flap and entered her tent. There was one thing that Oghren had right, she thought, things were certainly going to get interesting.

  Arianna rummaged around in her tent, trying to locate her pack. Once she found it she placed a bar of soap, her comb and one of her blankets into the pack. She had decided that she was going to go to the river to bathe, before it got too dark. The sun was just starting to set, and it would only be light for another hour or two.

  She exited her tent with her pack and her sword, and whistled to her Mabari. He ran up to her and gave her a happy bark. The hound always loved it when Arianna took him anywhere with her.

  "Come on Ser Dog. You're coming with me. You and I are going to take a bath." The Mabari barked twice in understanding and trotted off ahead of her, towards the river.

  Once at the river, Arianna looked around carefully to make sure she was alone. Once satisfied, she removed her armor and boots, but left on her smallclothes. She reached into her pack and removed the bar of soap.

  1.   "Come on, boy. Let's go get wet." Arianna and the Mabari both waded into the river until the water level rose past her waist. She ducked under the water to wet herself completely and then stood back up. The water was cold, but not unbearably so. The dog began to bark and splash about in the water near her. She laughed and pushed him away. "Go swim over there, boy".    Arianna pointed to a spot in the water a little ways to her left. The Mabari barked and then moved away from her.



  Arianna began to lather herself with the soap. She started with her hair and then worked her way downward. Once she had lathered herself enough, she ducked under the water again, to rinse off. She then decided to go for a swim. She threw the bar of soap onto the river bank, and then started to swim away from the river's edge.

  The water was cool and refreshing as it caressed her skin. Her sore and tired muscles soon relaxed. Arianna swam further away from the embankment. The current began to get stronger as she got closer to the middle part of the river. There was an undertow that she hadn't noticed before when she had been closer to the river's edge. Arianna decided that it would probably be a good thing to turn around and start swimming back towards land.

  As Arianna started swimming back in the direction she had come from, she noticed a curious ripple in the water to her left. The ripple seemed to be getting closer to her. Uneasy now, she began to swim slightly faster towards the river bank.

  All of a sudden, she felt something large wrap itself around her leg, and then she was pulled under. Arianna kicked her legs against the pull and managed to get her head above the water. She cried out in alarm as she was pulled under a second time. Arianna opened her eyes as she was under the water and she saw that an enormous snake had wrapped itself around one of her legs, and was now trying to pull her away from the river bank. She struggled and kicked frantically with both legs. Arianna tried to swim upwards towards the water’s surface, but the large serpent was heavy and it would not let her go.

 _Maker, help me!_ She hit the snake with her fist, but it just tightened its body further around her leg. Her lungs felt like they were ready to burst. Her body was crying out for air. Arianna fought the urge to expel the remaining air in her lungs and take a breath.

  When it was to be her time to die, it would be upon some battlefield, and not drowning in some blighted river, she thought angrily.  Arianna started to struggle against the snake’s vise-like grip on her, trying somehow to loosen herself from its grasp.

  Arianna suddenly sensed something else was in the water with her. It was her hound! The dog snapped at the snake and tried to bite down on its head, but he missed. The snake struck out with its fangs, but it too missed. The serpent tightened its grip further around Arianna's leg. The dog swam upwards to take a breath of air. He quickly swam back to where Arianna was and attacked the snake again. This time the Mabari managed to clamp down his teeth into the snake behind its head. Within moments the snake was dead. But the snake was still wrapped tightly around her, weighting her down. Arianna struggled against its heavy pull but she only sank farther down under the water.

  Arianna felt herself starting to panic. Her lungs were burning and her heart was beating uncontrollably. She frantically grabbed onto her dog's collar as he started to swim towards the surface. Just as his head broke though the water, Arianna lost consciousness.

  She abruptly came to and immediately began to spew out the water from her lungs. She gagged and choked, and then retched again. Arianna realized that she was now lying on the ground by the edge of the river.

  "Thank the Maker! I thought I had lost you." Alistair pulled her into his arms and held her tightly to his chest.

  He had come down to the river to wash and had heard her cry of panic. He had searched the water and did not see her, but he had spotted the Mabari swimming out to a spot towards the middle of the river. By the time he had removed his chain mail and boots, and dived into the river, Arianna’s Mabari had started to pull her back in towards land. Alistair had never been so scared in all his life! He thought she had drowned. But the Maker must have heard his fervent pleas to spare her life- she was alive.

  "Alistair? What…? How…? "She was finding it difficult to think straight. Arianna looked up into Alistair's face and their eyes met. He was gazing at her so intently, and there was a strange look in his eyes- one that she had never seen before. Her eyes widened and her heart began to beat rapidly in her chest. "Alistair?" she said his name softly, her eyes widening in wonder.

  His eyes narrowed and his expression hardened. "Have you lost all your Maker-given senses? What were you _thinking_ , woman! You should never have been out here alone. You could have…you could have died! And then what would I- _we_ have done? Our duty to end this cursed Blight is much too important for you to behave so foolishly!" Alistair all but snarled at her.

  Arianna quickly removed herself from Alistair's arms, pulled her arm back and punched him squarely right in his nose. Alistair yelled as blood spurted from his injured nose.

  "Don't you _ever_ tell me about my duty,” she yelled back at Alistair. “I have _never_ turned my back on my duties as a Grey Warden. You have no right to lecture me about duty… you who _refuse_ to take the throne as Ferelden's rightful king!"

  Angry tears were running freely down her face. Arianna wiped them away violently with the back of her hand. She pushed him hard in his chest, almost knocking him backwards, to move him away from her, and then she stood up. She stood looking down at him with a hurt and angry expression.

  "I left my parents to _die_ at the hands of Howe and his men, because I promised my father that I would do my duty! I am a Cousland and a Grey Warden, and I have done nothing _but_ my duty!"

  Alistair stared speechless at her. Water was still dripping from her and he noticed for the first time that she was wearing nothing but her smallclothes. The wet, light- weighted material was clinging to her body and it revealed to him all her glorious female curves.

  He couldn't breath- and it wasn't because his nose was now horribly swollen and still dripping with his blood. He just sat there bleeding, and continued to look at her with one of his idiotic expressions on his face.

  Arianna swore at him and strode away in anger. She went over to her pack and pulled out the dry blanket that had been within, and then wrapped it around her. She stuffed her boots in the pack and then called to her Mabari. She hung the pack around his neck and told him to carry it back to the camp for her. Arianna picked up her armor and sword and then walked away without a further glance at the injured and still bleeding Alistair.

  Zevran looked up from the task he was doing, and saw that his lover had returned to the camp. He finished cleaning the carcasses of the three rabbits he had killed and gave them to Morrigan to make into a stew for the night’s dinner.

  Alistair then entered the camp and Zevran, noticing his bruised and bloody nose, gave him a questioning look. Alistair quickly looked away from Zevran's gaze and ducked into his tent.

  Zevran shook his head and laughed to himself. He'd give odds that his beloved Warden had something to do with the condition of Alistair's nose. The elf decided to go to the source and see if his assumption had been correct.

  He found Arianna sitting in her tent lost in thought. Her smallclothes were still damp and there were quite a few spots of blood splattered down the front.

  "Are you alright, _mi amore_? You are not hurt are you?" Zevran glanced at the blood again as he sat down next to her. She followed the direction of his gaze and noticed the blood on her. A strange expression came into her eyes.

  "No, Zev. I'm not hurt. It's Alistair's blood, not mine," she explained. He raised his eyebrows at her but did not speak, waiting for further explanation.

  "I hit him in the nose." She did not add any further explanation then that. Arianna looked into Zevran’s attractive face and smiled. "I missed you."

  "But of course, you did. There are so many things to miss about me, no?" He laughed softly and looked into her green eyes, as if searching for something. Zevran smiled at her again suggestively and said," Shall I show you just what you have been missing?"

  He leaned over and kissed her gently, caressingly. He pulled her closer to him as their kiss deepened. Her body began to tremble as she responded to Zevran's desire for her. Zevran pulled away from her, his breath coming in small gasps.

  "Do you desire me, my lovely Warden? Do you truly want me?" he asked almost angrily. He looked into her green eyes with his piercing gaze.

  "Yes, Zevran," she replied in almost a whisper.

  "Do you really, my beautiful one? Nothing has changed then?" he asked as he searched her eyes again.

  She gazed back at him and answered, "I want you Zevran. I will always want you.”

  But Zevran wondered. He had seen something else lurking deep in her eyes, behind the love and passion for him. It was doubt and uncertainty.

  Arianna pushed Zevran down onto his back and began to slowly kiss his chest… his neck… his lips. She gave in to their passion and pushed away all thoughts of the day's events from her mind. All except for one- the look in Alistair's eyes when he had held her in his arms by the bank of the river.


	2. Chapter 2

During the next several days, Arianna kept her distance from Alistair, which was no easy task since they were traveling together, and would often find themselves fighting side by side during the occasional skirmish with mercenaries, bandits and various wild beasts. She was civil and courteous to Alistair each time her duties called for her to speak to him, but she made sure that any conversation between them was brief and to the point. Arianna even stopped sparring with him, instead preferring to practice her fighting skills with Sten or Oghren.

  Yet Arianna often found herself watching Alistair. She couldn't seem to help herself, and whenever his gaze happened to meet hers, she would quickly look away. Arianna was miserable. She didn't know what to do. She missed Alistair.

  Alistair was in no better spirits. He began to watch Arianna closely whenever she was within eye sight, but if she happened to glance in his direction, he also would quickly look away. Alistair was miserable and he had no idea how to make things right between them. He missed Arianna.

  Several more days had passed and Arianna and her companions found themselves a few days away from the Brecilian Forest. Arianna decided to stop and make camp in a small protected clearing that they had come upon. Their group would rest there for several days, before she and three of her companions would travel onwards to the Brecilian Forest, in search of the Dalish Elves. Those that did not go with Arianna would stay behind at the campsite.

  Arianna had not been sleeping well the past few nights. She had been dreaming dark dreams that left her troubled each morning when she awoke. Zevran tried his best to soothe her and keep her mind off of those dreams, but he could only do so much. He was not a Grey Warden and therefore the elf could never understand what it meant to carry some of that dark corruption- that taint- within oneself.

  Arianna missed being able to talk to Alistair about her concerns and about all the changes a Grey Warden went through. But she was still angry and hurt over what Alistair had said to her back at the river. Arianna didn’t understand why he had verbally attacked her that way. Was the worth of her life to be measured only by the success of their mission to end the Blight? It seemed to Arianna that Alistair’s main concern had been how her death would have adversely affected their duty. She felt like he saw her simply as some weapon to be used against the Blight, only to be discarded and forgotten once she had served her purpose. And knowing that Alistair may view her in such a way hurt Arianna deeply.

  Arianna finished setting up her sleeping tent with Zevran’s help, and then went with him to help him set up his. Even though they generally shared her tent most nights, Arianna thought it looked better if they each had their own separate sleeping quarters. She also had the feeling that Zevran preferred to have his own space, since he had never indicated to her that he wanted it otherwise. Zevran never spoke to her about the future of their relationship. He lived in the here and now, and appeared to be content to keep things as they were between them. The problem was that Arianna wanted more from Zevran, or at least the possibility of more.

  Arianna was pounding the last tent stake into the ground when the iron mallet she was using slipped and hit the hand that was holding the wooden stake steady. She yelped in pain and dropped the heavy mallet with a loud curse.

  Zevran heard her cry of pain and quickly moved to her side in concern. “You are supposed to hit the stake with the mallet and not your hand, my lovely Grey Warden.”

  Arianna shot him an irritated and pained look. “Yes, I do realize that Zevran.” She stretched her injured hand out and flinched when the movement brought a jolt of intense pain. The hand was already starting to swell and dark ugly bruises where beginning to form under the skin. “Damn that cursed mallet! I think my bloody hand is broken,” exclaimed Arianna with another curse at her clumsiness.

  Zevran took her damaged hand into his and began to gently manipulate her fingers and wrist, as he tried to determine just how bad her injury truly was. “I do not think it is broken,” he said with relief after finishing his brief but thorough examination of her hand. “But you do need healing, my dear accident prone Warden.  I can make a poultice for you to ease the pain and swelling, but I’m sure you would rather just have Wynne heal you, yes?” Zevran smiled when Arianna nodded her head and then he placed a soft kiss on her injured hand.

  Arianna was always amazed how such sweet and simple gestures of caring came so naturally now from someone like Zevran, who was widely considered to be such a dangerous and deadly assassin. But Arianna had come to know a side of Zevran that had always remained hidden from everyone, buried deep inside, a part of him that had never been nurtured, or encouraged to develop and grow. Yet even with her, he would only allow that unfamiliar part of him to surface in very small increments. Zevran had been too well trained by the Crows to eradicate all feelings and thoughts of love and caring for anyone, so experiencing such feelings towards another person was new and unknown territory for the elf assassin.

  “What is wrong, _mi amore_? Your thoughts were far from here, for a moment.”

  Arianna didn’t know how to put her thoughts into words- at least into any words that she thought would make sense to him- so she simply shook her head and replied, “Nothing is wrong, Zev. I’m just happy that you are in my life.”

  Zevran studied her face for a brief moment before moving closer to her. The elf leaned in, and cupping the sides of her face with his hands, gave Arianna a long, sensual kiss. When he was finished he said to her, “After your hand has been healed come find me, and I will tell you just how happy that I am, that you are in my life, my lovely Warden… or perhaps it would be better to simply show you, yes?”

  Arianna’s breath caught in her throat when she caught the look of lust and profound desire that Zevran gave her. A faint red blush bloomed upon her cheeks even as her body responded favorably to his invitation. Arianna’s body cried out for his touch and she was both embarrassed and thrilled by her intense reaction to Zevran. _Maker’s breath… how can I be so affected by just a look or a word from him?_

  Zevran chuckled and brought her uninjured hand to his lips for a kiss. “I see by your face that you agree with my suggestion, my beautiful temptress. Now be off with you. The sooner your hand is healed, the sooner we can show each other how happy we both are, no?” Zevran gave her Arianna another suggestive look and then left her side to finish staking his tent down.

  Arianna’s left hand began to throb with pain again, reminding her that she needed to seek out Wynne and have her hand tended to. She was glad that the pain in her hand somewhat quenched her amorous feelings towards Zevran before she saw Wynne. Arianna wasn’t in the mood for the all too perceptive mage’s teasing about the quality of her and Zevran’s love life.

  The camp was bustling with the various activities of Arianna’s fellow companions as she wound her way around the tents to where Wynne was. The elderly mage was sitting on a large tree stump, enjoying the warmth of the fire that had been lit within the large fire-pit that was centered in the midst of the campsite. Wynne’s smile of greeting faltered when she noticed the condition of Arianna’s left hand.

  “Merciful Maker, young lady… what have you done to your poor hand?” The mage beckoned to Arianna to come closer. “Well, let me have a look,” she said as she carefully grasped Arianna’s injured hand, turning it this way and that, so that she could examine the hand from all sides. After several moments, she looked up and smiled at Arianna. “There are no broken bones, thankfully.”

  “That’s what Zevran said, but he thought that I should still come to see you for healing.”

  Wynne stood up from her seat on the tree stump and replied with a rueful smile, “I imagine that in Zevran’s line of business he has become quite the expert over the years, in determining the level of severity for all types of injuries.”

  Arianna wasn’t sure if Wynne was being disapproving of Zevran’s occupation, or if she was simply making an observation. In any case, Arianna decided it would behoove her to simply remain silent and wait for the mage to say whatever it was that may be on her mind.

  Wynne said nothing further, but instead concentrated on healing Arianna’s hand. Within moments Arianna felt her pain subsiding as the warm healing energy surrounded, and then penetrated, the damaged tissue in her hand. Arianna noticed that the swelling had disappeared and that the bruising was fading away. After the healing energy had turned from bright white to blue, it slowly dissipated until it was completely gone. Arianna wiggled her fingers and then opened and closed her hand; she had been healed.

  “Thank you, Wynne.” Arianna gave the mage a quick hug. “What would I do without you?”

  “Be more careful?” Wynne asked with a soft laugh. “You are most welcome, young lady.” Wynne looked over Arianna’s shoulder as they hugged, and noticed that Alistair was standing in front of his tent watching them both. He had a concerned look on his face. Wynne drew back and smiled at Arianna. “Well, I think my work is done here, and you should go and let your young man know that you are okay.”

  “My young man? Oh, you mean Zevran. He knows that I am fine.”

  Wynne shook her head. “No… I wasn’t referring to Zevran,” she replied as she looked pointedly in the direction of Alistair.

  Arianna turned her head and glanced over her shoulder to see who Wynne had been referring to. The only person in their line of site was Alistair. Arianna turned back to Wynne. “You were talking about Alistair?” she asked with a raised brow. Arianna was more than a bit incredulous of the mage’s suggestion.

  Wynne put a calming hand on Arianna’s shoulder. “Before you say anything else, let me speak.” Arianna closed her mouth and nodded tersely. “I know that things have been strained between the two of you for the past few weeks… _everyone_ here has noticed it.” Wynne smiled when Arianna gave her another incredulous look. “You and Alistair are the last two surviving Grey Wardens in Ferelden, and our only hope to survive this Blight, so of course everything you do- or do not do- is noticed by all...especially by your travelling companions.”

  “Andraste’s bloody knickers! Are you saying that I’m to have no privacy at all anymore? That I am to be scrutinized by you all?” Arianna scowled and crossed her arms.

  “Young lady, being a Grey Warden means that your life is no longer just about you… I know that sounds unfair, but that is how it is. Until this Blight is ended, I’m afraid that your life will be an open book, to be read and remembered by all that you come in contact with.”

  Arianna exhaled loudly. “Fine. But even if I accept that things are like you have said, what has that got to do with Alistair? I fail to see the connection.”

  Wynne shook her head and sighed wearily. “Young lady, how do you expect to fulfill your duty if you and Alistair are at odds? He is the only one here that truly knows what you are going through, and what you are dealing with. Unless you support each other, you both will fail at your mission and everyone in Ferelden, and perhaps Thedas, will pay the price for your failure.”

  Arianna dropped her eyes and looked at the ground, her pride stinging from the truth of Wynne’s words. She felt a moment of anger for being forced into the path that she now had to tread, but she quickly subdued it, for it would do her no good to dwell on the unfairness of it all. She had promised her dying father that she would do her duty- for the Cousland name and for Ferelden- and she meant to do just that. No matter the personal cost to her. She sighed in resignation and looked at Wynne who gave her shoulder a comforting squeeze before removing her hand.

  “I know you have a hard path before you, and you have to sacrifice much. But I have great faith in you, my lady… and in Alistair. Now do this old lady a favor, and go and speak to Alistair before he runs himself ragged with all the pacing he is doing.”

  Arianna uncrossed her arms and turned around; she saw that Alistair was indeed pacing back and forth in front of his tent. He stopped abruptly when he noticed that Arianna was watching him, but this time he didn’t look away from her gaze, but instead he stood there, staring back at her. Arianna sighed once more and then headed in his direction. She sincerely hoped that Alistair refrained from being the insufferable ass that he had been at the river. She would hate to have to go back to Wynne, and explain that she hurt her hand again after it had connected with Alistair’s face.


	3. Chapter 3

Arianna reentered the camp a few feet ahead of Alistair, and set down the bucket of fresh water she had obtained from a shallow stream that was located several yards away from the campsite. Arianna glanced over at Alistair as he came up beside her and set his bucket of water down on the grass next to hers.

  “I’m sorry.” Alistair refrained from looking directly at Arianna; instead he looked out into the bustling camp. He spoke again to her, using a low tone that would not be easily overheard. “I don’t want to complicate your life any more than it already is.” He glanced at her sideways and then looked out again into the camp.

  Alistair drew in a sharp breath of air and swore softly when his gaze landed on Morrigan. The dark-haired mage was smirking at him. Alistair swore again when he saw that she was standing next to the Zevran. He watched as the apostate mage said something to Zevran, who then looked over at Alistair and Arianna with an inscrutable expression. “That witch just loves to start trouble,” he muttered in irritation under his breath.

  Arianna glanced sideways at Alistair, wondering why he was swearing and muttering to himself. Then she noticed that he was looking at Morrigan. Arianna was well aware of the animosity between the two of them. From the moment Alistair and Morrigan had first met, they had disliked each other. Morrigan thought Alistair to be a useless and dim-witted fool, and Alistair thought Morrigan was a complete bitch, who was just waiting for the chance to turn him into a toad.

  Just then, Arianna noticed who Morrigan was talking to. She let out a string of curses under her breath.

  “My feelings exactly,” said Alistair. He then looked up into the late afternoon sky, turning his head from one direction to another, as if he was searching the heavens for something.

  “Maker’s breath,” Arianna finally asked in irritation, “what in the Beyond are you looking for, Alistair?”

  “For a dragon-I was hoping that one would swoop down and carry Morrigan away.” He looked at Arianna and crossed his arms across his chest. “There’s never a dragon around when you need one,” he stated with a sad sigh.

  Arianna sighed sharply in exasperation. Sometimes the man could be a complete idiot.

  “So… about what happened earlier…” began Alistair. He stopped speaking when Arianna shot him an angry look.

  “I don’t want to discuss it now, Alistair.”  Arianna struggled to keep the anger out of her voice. She wasn’t upset with Alistair, but rather with the situation she now found herself in. She didn’t know how to deal with the conflicting emotions she was experiencing and that made her angry- angry at herself.

  “Fine,” replied Alistair tersely. He turned his face away from her to hide his hurt.

  “Alistair…” she said his name softly. She waited until he turned his head to look at her again. “I’m sorry… it’s just… it’s easier to resort to anger, than to deal with what happened between us.”  Arianna glanced over at Zevran before looking at Alistair again. “I need some time to figure things out.”

  Alistair understood the turmoil that she was going through, but it did nothing to lesson his heart-ache. “Fine,” he said again, this time less harshly. “You know how I feel. The choice is yours to make.” And with that statement, Alistair walked away across the campsite to where his tent was located.

  Arianna wondered how things could have changed so drastically in the space of one hour. She almost wished that she had never listened to Wynne and had gone to talk to Alistair. That had been her first mistake. The second had been when she had left the camp with Alistair to fetch fresh water…to talk with him privately. _All it had taken was a single hour_ , she reflected… _only one hour to change my life forever_. Arianna remained where she was, lost in thought, and let the events of the past hour unfold and replay in her mind once again…

_(An Hour Earlier)_

  Arianna slowed her stride down when she was several feet away from Alistair’s tent. She was doing as Wynne had asked, but she had no idea what she was supposed to say to the man. By the expression on his face, Arianna could tell that Alistair was as uncertain as she. He did look concerned though. But then again, she had thought he had looked concerned for her a few days ago back at the river’s side- before he had verbally waylaid her. Arianna slowed to a stop when she was within a few feet of Alistair.

  “Hello, Arianna,” said Alistair, speaking first. His smile to her was fleeting and unsure.

  “Alistair.” Her green eyes roamed over his face, and she noticed the dark smudges under his eyes. It seemed he had not been sleeping well, either. She wondered if he had been having the same dark dreams as she.

  Alistair took in the faint, dark half-circles and tired lines around her eyes. “Bad dreams?” he asked, and then gave a small smile when she nodded her head. “Lucky us, huh?”  Alistair glanced down at her hands, and then back to her face. “Is your hand alright? It doesn’t hurt, does it?” He had heard her cry of pain from the other side of the camp when she had hurt herself, and then had observed her meeting with Wynne.

  “I’m fine, Alistair.” She held up her left hand so that he could view it for himself. “Don’t worry; I’ll be back to full fighting form in no time.” She lowered her hand to her side and then added, “You needn’t be concerned that the injury will hinder my duty in any way.” There was a distinct coolness to her tone.

  “Damnation woman! I’m concerned with your welfare… why can’t you see that?” Glaring at Arianna, Alistair ran a hand roughly through his hair in frustration.

  Arianna glared back at him and said angrily, “Yes… you are just as concerned for me now, as you were back at that river when you thought I had drowned.”  She clenched her right hand into a fist and fought the urge to hit him with it.

  Alistair warily eyed her clenched hand and stepped back a few paces. “Is that why you gave me a bloody nose?” He shook his head at her in amazement. “Because you thought I was more concerned with our mission than with you?”

  Angry tears were gathering in Arianna’s eyes. She could sense everyone’s eyes on Alistair and her, as they both stood there in front of his tent arguing. “Lower your voice, Alistair,” she hissed at him. “I don’t need the rest of our party listening to every bloody word that we are saying.”

  Alistair glanced quickly around the camp, and then lowered his voice. “I was planning on going to the nearby stream to get fresh water for everyone. Come along with me, and we can continue this conversation in private, if you prefer.”

  Arianna gave a stiff nod, and then went to retrieve two empty wooden buckets from Bodahn’s wagon. Once she had them in hand, she strode back to Alistair and shoved one of the buckets at him, hitting him in the center of his chest. Alistair was glad he was wearing his chainmail armor; otherwise he was sure he would have suffered a huge bruise. He took the bucket without a word, and then walked out of the camp with Arianna following a few feet behind.

  The two Grey Wardens followed the faint trail that would lead them to the stream that wound its way through the woods they were camped in. They walked without speaking, single file, along the narrow path that twisted its way through the tall pine trees and wide oaks that lined each side. After walking several yards, the dirt trail widened slightly and they found themselves on the bank of a wide, but shallow stream.

  Alistair dropped his bucket and then turned around to face Arianna. He could tell that the walk to the stream had not cooled her anger in the least. He reached over and grabbed the handle of the bucket that she was still holding in one hand. He tugged at the bucket until she released it, and he set it on the ground out of her immediate reach. Better safe than sorry, he thought. Unfortunately for him, she didn’t need a bucket.

  Before Alistair could open his mouth to speak, Arianna let fly her right fist. Arianna yelped in pain when her hand connected with his hard jaw, instead of his nose which she had been aiming for.

  “Son of a whore!” Alistair rubbed his bruised jaw and glared at Arianna. “Why in the blazes did you hit me for? I haven’t even said anything yet!”

  Arianna shook her hand a few times and then rubbed it briskly until the pain went away. She stared at Alistair in silence not knowing what to say. Talking to Alistair back at the camp had brought back her feelings of hurt, and to cover up her hurt she did what she always did when faced with emotional pain- she resorted to anger. And now on top of her hurt and anger, she felt great remorse for hitting Alistair. Arianna’s eyes began to fill with tears, but this time they weren’t tears of anger. She was tired of hiding behind her anger, of hiding her true feelings. The tears welled up and overflowed, and Arianna let them fall.

  Alistair stopped rubbing his sore jaw and his eyes widened in surprise when he noticed the tears falling down Arianna’s cheeks. He stood there in complete shock for another moment longer, just staring at her tear-streaked face, before finally deciding what to do. He closed the gap between them with two long strides, and then reaching out he wrapped his arms around Arianna, and pulled her to his chest.

  Arianna leaned her head against his broad shoulder, closed her eyes, and gave in to the comfort that Alistair offered her. She felt his warm breath stir her hair as he laid his cheek against the top of her head, and felt the strength of his arms when he tightened them around her and drew her closer to his body. She heard him whisper her name, and the tender tone of his voice was like a balm to her hurting heart.

  After a few more moments had passed, Alistair began to speak. “That day by the river… when your hound and I dragged you unconscious out of the water… I had never been so scared in my entire life.” He paused for a moment as the events of that day replayed in his mind. “I thought I had lost you, Arianna. For one unbearable moment, I thought my world had ended.” Alistair paused again as he fought to control the emotion in his voice. “Then when you came to… and I knew you were alive and unhurt… I just reacted and spoke in anger and out of fear. I never meant to hurt you, Arianna.”

  Arianna’s hurt melted away at his sincere words. She felt a kind of joy, that until now, she had never experienced. And that worried and scared her. Why should he hold such power over her emotions? Why should it matter so much to her what Alistair thought of her? Arianna’s heart was crying out the answers to her, but she refused to listen. She was afraid to listen.

  Arianna lifted her head from his shoulder and moved to disentangle herself from his embrace, but his arms were like steel bands surrounding her. She turned her head and looked up into his face, with the intent of asking him to release her, but when her eyes met his, the words failed her. Alistair was looking at her in the same manner that he had when she had been in his arms by the side of the river. “Alistair…” she whispered his name in awe.

  With a swiftness that caught Arianna by surprise, Alistair lowered his head and kissed her lips. His kiss was tentative and unsure at first, but when Arianna made no move to pull away, he became bolder and increased the pressure of his mouth on hers, deepening his kiss, savoring the taste and feel of her. Alistair held back a groan as a sudden rush of desire filled his body. He reigned in his ardor, not wanting things to go too far, nor wanting to rush into anything too quickly.

  Arianna found herself in the midst of a tempest, as powerful emotions and desires rose and fell within her body. Alistair’s kisses invoked feelings that until now she had been unaware of- feelings that she had never felt with Zevran. _Zevran! Maker… what am I doing?_

  Arianna abruptly pulled out of Alistair’s embrace and backed away from him. Arianna raised her hands to her face and held them to her mouth with fingers flat against her lips, as she took another step backwards. Her green eyes were wide with shock and glistening with unshed tears as she stared at Alistair. “Maker…what have I done?” she whispered, horrified that she had responded so intensely to his kiss. “We can’t do this, Alistair.”

  Alistair took a step towards her, unsure and confused by the expression on her face and by her unexpected reaction to his kiss. “Arianna?” he questioned in a soft voice as he took another step in her direction. He stopped when she again backed away from him. “What’s wrong? I thought… I mean… it’s what you wanted, wasn’t it? For me to kiss you?” 

  Alistair raked his hand through his short hair, looking confused again. He noticed that she was trembling and tears were running unhindered down her face. Wanting to comfort her again, he moved towards Arianna, but she took another step backwards, away from him again. Alistair narrowed his eyes at her and then cursed under his breath in irritation. Arianna kept backing away, until her progress was suddenly halted when she backed up into the wide trunk of a tall oak tree. Alistair immediately closed the distance between them and then stood directly in front of Arianna, effectively barring her escape.

  Alistair lifted a hand to the side of her face and then brushed away the tears from her cheek with his thumb. He searched her tear-streaked face for some clue as to what was really going on in her mind at the moment. Arianna bowed her head, trying to hide from his probing gaze, but Alistair cupped her chin and lifted her head until their eyes met once again. It was there- in the emerald green shadows of her eyes- the truth of her feelings for him. Alistair had seen that exact same expression in her eyes that night when he had given her the gift of the rose, and then again by the side of the river… it was the same look that he had witnessed in her eyes just before he had kissed her a moment ago.

  Arianna’s eyes widened, but then quickly narrowed when she read Alistair’s expression and saw that he intended to kiss her again. She was afraid that if he kissed her again she wouldn’t be able to stop, and she feared what the kiss would lead to. She placed her hands on his armored chest and pushed against him, trying to move him away from her, but he had been prepared for her and he did not budge. She shot him an angry look. “Alistair…” she warned him in a low tone, “whatever you are thinking of doing- don’t.  Now move away and let me leave.”

  Alistair hesitated for a moment, but then took a step back and then to the side, allowing her space to leave. His eyes followed Arianna as she strode away from him. She fetched one of the discarded buckets and then entering the shallow stream, she bent down and dipped the bucket under the water and filled it to the brim. Arianna lifted the bucket and then exiting the stream, she walked across the bank and onto the narrow trail that had led them here. She stopped walking when she heard Alistair call out to her, and she turned back to face him.

  “Why did you accept my gift, Arianna?” he asked. “Why did you take my rose?”

  Arianna couldn’t read the guarded expression that Alistair now wore. She didn’t understand the purpose of his question and frowned at him as she set the heavy wooden bucket down. “The rose? I took it because you gave it to me. Isn’t that what you’re supposed to do when offered a gift?” 

  Alistair moved out of the shadows of the trees, closer to where she was standing. He stopped a few feet away from her. “Did you ever tell Zevran about my gift to you?” he asked her in a quiet voice.

  Arianna hesitated briefly before answering. “No…”  She had taken the rose back to her tent, and placed it between the pages of an old book that Wynne had given to her. Arianna had kept it in her pack these past two months and had never shown it to anyone, not even Zevran.

  Alistair saw a look of uncertainty pass across Arianna’s face. The fact that she had never spoken to Zevran about the rose, revealed much to him about her real feelings. “Why haven’t you told him?” he asked quietly.

  “Does the reasons why matter? I just didn’t,” she replied brusquely. Arianna never wanted to examine her reasons for not telling Zevran too closely. And she wasn’t willing to examine them now. “It’s getting late, Alistair. We need to get back to the camp.” Arianna reached down and picked up the wooden bucket of water. She was about to start back down the dirt trail when Alistair asked one last question.

  “Don’t you want to know why, Arianna? Why it matters to me?”

  Arianna sighed and gazed at him sadly. “I know why, Alistair,” she replied softly. “But it doesn’t change the way I feel about Zevran. I still love him. I will always love him.”

  Arianna closed her eyes briefly as the memory began to fade from her mind.

  “I do love Zevran,” she whispered to herself. _Then why did you let Alistair kiss you?_ Arianna frowned still not ready to accept the truth. The sound of Zevran’s familiar voice suddenly pulled Arianna away from her pondering. Startled, she stared at the elf and wondered how long he had been standing there in front of her. Arianna had been so caught up in her musing that she hadn’t even noticed his arrival.

  “You have been standing there, with such a serious look on your face, my beauty.”  Zevran took her right hand and lifting to his lips, he placed a kiss upon it. It was then he noticed the faint bruises around her knuckles. “You and Alistair got into another argument, yes?”

  “I suppose you could call it that,” she replied evasively. She slid her eyes away from his curious gaze. “I hit him in the jaw.” Arianna sighed and then looking at Zevran again, gave the elf a small tired smile. She just wanted to forget everything that had happened between her and Alistair. “I really don’t want to talk about Alistair anymore, Zev. I just want to go to my tent, and forget that this day ever happened.”

  Zevran gave her a long, enigmatic look after hearing that statement, but then with a half-smile he declared, “Such a hard day you have been having, my lovely Warden. All this arguing and stress is not good for you. We will retire to your tent together, yes? And then I will relieve you of all your stress. I shall make you forget all about your troubles, mi amore.”

  Zevran leaned in and gave Arianna a small preview of what was to come. She closed her eyes and gave in to his heady kiss, to the wonderful sensations that his very thorough kiss aroused within her. After a few moments had passed, Zevran ended his kiss and then stepped back. He smiled and held out his hand to Arianna for her to take. Arianna slid her hand into his, and followed after Zevran as he led the way to her sleeping quarters.

  Arianna sensed Alistair’s unswerving gaze on her as she lifted the tent flap; she hesitated for a moment and then glanced over her shoulder at Alistair. Her heart plummeted at the expression on his face, and she wished to the Maker that she had never looked back at him. When Zevran gave an impatient tug on her hand, she turned her face away from Alistair, and then she hastily entered her tent and let the heavy tent flaps close behind her, removing her from the sight of his haunting gaze.


	4. Chapter 4

Arianna awoke in the middle of the night after having another one of those dark dreams. Even her lover’s intense and passionate love-making hadn’t been enough to keep her nightmares at bay. She looked at Zevran sleeping peacefully at her side, and didn't have the heart to wake the exhausted but happily satiated elf. Arianna silently slid out from under the covers, being careful not to awaken Zevran, and got dressed in her dragonscale armor. She took her sword and left her tent. Arianna would go relieve Oghren and take watch duty for the rest of the night. She couldn't sleep anyway despite her own exhaustion.

  Oghren was more than happy to be relieved from his duty. He was in great need of more ale and walked off to his tent to imbibe to his heart's content. Arianna watched the dwarf as he walked away, singing a dwarven tale of honor and glory. She shook her head and smiled after him with great affection. Despite his often crude and uncouth behavior, the red-haired dwarf had shown himself to be a true and faithful friend to Arianna.

  The full moon set high in the cloudless night sky above, shone brightly down upon the world below. Arianna stared up into the darkened heavens and wondered if her brother Fergus was somewhere out there, looking up at the same full moon. She prayed to the Maker that the older brother that she loved so dearly was somewhere still out there, and would soon be found alive and safe.

  Arianna walked slowly around the perimeter of the camp, making sure that nothing was amiss. She stopped for a moment and stood still. She closed her eyes and waited. Arianna drew a deep breath, held it for a moment and then slowly exhaled. She opened her eyes. Arianna could sense no darkspawn anywhere in the area, a welcome respite that she was truly grateful for.

  She walked to the far edge of the clearing, her back to the camp, and looked up at the sky again. Arianna’s heart was heavy and her thoughts were troubled. She felt so… alone. Her eyes swam with unshed tears as she looked up at the bright stars that were sprinkled across the night sky. One by one the tears started to silently fall down her cheeks. She let them fall unhindered and gave in to her inner turmoil.

  She sensed his presence before he spoke. "Alistair…” Arianna said his name softly as she turned around to look at him. A part of her had known that he would seek her out. A part of her had hoped that he would.

  "Arianna…” he said her name just as softly. He reached up and tenderly wiped the tears from her cheek with his hand. "Maker's breath… you are so beautiful." He held her gaze with his own, his eyes betraying his love for her.

  Arianna couldn't deny what she felt for him any longer. Her heart was conflicted, her thoughts confused, but still she was drawn to Alistair. Arianna knew that she wanted him. She knew that she needed him. When Alistair had kissed her and had held her in her arms, that part of her soul that had been destroyed and left empty when her parents had been murdered by Howe’s men, somehow became filled-healed- when he was near. Alistair completed her in a way that Zevran never did- never could. The realization of it all caused her to inhale sharply. She loved Alistair. _By the Maker! What am I supposed to do? How can I be in love with both Zevran and Alistair?_ _She gazed at Alistair with an expression of awe. She had fallen in love with him. Perhaps she had always been in love with him. “Alistair…” she whispered his name again, surprised at the depth of her feelings of love for him._

  Alistair stepped closer to Arianna and then grabbed her behind the neck, pulling her head towards his. He leaned in and kissed her gently and hesitantly. Arianna put her hands on his broad shoulders, and giving in to her need she kissed him back. Their kiss deepened and she pulled Alistair closer to her, pressing her body tightly against his as she slid her arms around his neck. Arianna had never experienced a kiss quite like this. His kisses seemed to touch her very soul.

  After a few moments, Alistair pulled away breathing heavily. He inhaled slowly, deeply, trying to control his ardor for her. He was inexperienced in matters of love and passion, and he wanted to go slowly. Alistair also didn’t want Arianna to retreat from him as she had done before in the woods.

  "I love you, Arianna. I have loved you for so very long." He looked at her uncertainly. "Dare I hope that you could possibly love me? Or have I been fooling myself these past months… in believing that you love me as I love you?" Alistair studied her face closely, trying to read her expression.

  "I… I do love you. I don't know why it happened- or when- but Maker help me, I've fallen in love with you Alistair."

  When Arianna smiled at him it was if all the light of the sun was contained in her smile, chasing away the darkness from his soul. Alistair kissed her again, a sweet and tender kiss, a kiss full of promises. Arianna smiled at him again, but then her expression turned serious, almost sad. Alistair looked at her thoughtfully and with some concern.

  "What's the matter, my love?" he asked. He waited patiently for her answer. Alistair noticed that she wouldn't look at him directly, and he started to get a sinking feeling in the pit of his stomach.

 "Alistair-" She stopped speaking when she noticed someone standing in the shadows by a large tree. Arianna couldn’t see the person clearly, but she didn’t have to see his face. She already knew who it was. _Merciful Maker… what am I going to do?_

  Alistair turned to see what Arianna was looking at. Zevran walked out of the shadows, into the moonlight and then stopped and waited- his expression unreadable.

  "Alistair, would you please finish the watch for me?" she asked him softly. "Please?" Arianna looked at him, hoping he would understand.

  Alistair’s face fell and then he sighed unhappily in resignation. "Fine," he replied tersely. He watched as she walked over to where the elf stood and spoke to him. Alistair stood watching them. He balled his hands into fists and wished to the Maker that he had killed that bloody elf assassin months ago. He should have insisted that they kill him when Zevran had failed in his paid contract to kill both he and Arianna. Or at the very least, Alistair thought, he should have never agreed to let Zevran join them in their mission.

  Zevran had awoken earlier to find that Arianna had left the tent. He hadn’t been too concerned about her absence as she often had trouble sleeping, due to the dreams. He knew that all Grey Wardens had strange dreams and that they were often more like nightmares.

  After laying there awake for a while, the elf had decided to go find his lover. He got dressed and then left Arianna’s tent in search for her. Zevran looked about the campsite until he spied Arianna standing alone with Alistair at the far edge of the clearing. He had walked closer to them and stopped several feet away at the base of a large tree and then stood watching them for a few moments more. Even though he was uncloaked, he knew they could not see him there, in the shadows of the overhanging branches of the tree.

  Zevran’s eyes had narrowed in carefully controlled anger, when he had witnessed Alistair leaning in and kissing Arianna. He had fingered the dagger that he always carried, as he studied this new rival for her affections. The elf had been sorely tempted to throw it at Alistair, but he knew Arianna would not take that course of action too kindly. Zevran then noticed Alistair talking to her again and when she started to speak, that's when he had decided to make his presence known. Zevran had stepped out of the shadows of the tree and waited for her to come to him.

  He knew that Arianna would come. He watched her and waited. Before long Zevran’s patience was rewarded; Arianna left Alistair's side and walked over to meet him.

  Arianna looked into his striking face and smiled at him. "I'm sorry I left without waking you, but you were sleeping so peacefully.  I didn't have the heart to disturb you. But I'm glad you're awake now. She looked at him with a serious expression on her lovely face. "We need to talk, Zev."

  "Talk, my dear Warden? I did not seek out your lovely form to _talk_. Besides, I see that you already have been talking- with Alistair." He looked over her shoulder at Alistair and gave him a challenging look, and then Zevran leaned in and kissed Arianna in a most thorough way.

  This was Zevran’s way of telling Alistair that he would not give Arianna up without a fight. The elf heard Alistair swear loudly and then he heard the angry man stride away. Zevran smiled to himself, and dismissing Alistair from his thoughts, he concentrated on pleasuring the woman in his arms.

  Arianna responded to him. She couldn't seem to help herself. She did love Zevran, but she knew now that there had been something missing. There was a part of her heart- a part of her soul- that she would never be able to give to him. There was a part of her that Zevran would never be able to fill. Yet she didn’t know if she could ever give him up. Arianna wasn’t altogether sure that she even wanted to. Once again she asked herself how she could be in love with them both. She didn’t know how- she only knew that she was.

  From the other side of the camp, Alistair watched Zevran and the woman he loved, walk back to her tent and then go inside together. He stood staring pensively at the closed flap of the tent for a while longer and then he turned and walked away into the moonlight with a heavy heart.

 


	5. Chapter 5

Once inside the somewhat cramped quarters of her tent, Arianna smiled fondly at Zevran and then slipped her hand out of his clasp. Zevran moved to the back of the small structure and then busied himself with removing his hard leather armor. As he was stripping down, he glanced over at the watching Arianna and caught her eye; the elf gave her a quick smile and then asked, “Is there something amiss, my beauty, or are you simply admiring the scenery?”

  Arianna simply smiled in response to his question and then began to remove her armor. Every once in a while she would look over to where Zevran stood, her expression thoughtful, until the elf finally spoke again.

  “I sense that you wish us to talk, before retiring to bed, yes?” asked the astute elf.

  Sometimes Arianna found it unsettling just how well Zevran knew her moods and expressions. She found that there was not much that she could hide from the perceptive elf. “If you would rather just go to sleep, Zev, we can talk in the morning. I’m sure you must be tired,” she replied.

  “When I said _retiring to bed_ , I was not speaking about sleep, mi amore,” Zevran clarified with a devious grin. “And I am never too tired to spend time with you, my lovely sex goddess… talking or otherwise.” Zevran chuckled at the faint blush that appeared on Arianna’s cheeks. He found it very amusing how the act or the mere mention of sex- or things pertaining to sex- would bring a blush to her face.

  Arianna gave a somewhat uncomfortable half-smile and then turned away from the amused elf, to neatly pile her removed armor in the corner nearest the opening of the tent. Now dressed only in her smallclothes, Arianna gave a slight shiver as the chilly night air touched her bare skin. She gave Zevran a grateful smile when he walked over and draped a blanket over her bare shoulders. Arianna wrapped the blanket closer around her body and then moved over to her makeshift bed; she sank down onto the layered pile of heavy, coarse blankets and waited for Zevran to join her.

  Zevran added more oil to the lamp that hung from the cross brace, and checked the wick, making sure the flame would burn and continue to light the enclosure for a few more hours longer. He then gave a quick perusal about the tent, making sure that everything was in place and that both their weapons and armor were within easy access of their reach, and then he joined Arianna upon the bedding. He leaned back, supporting his weight on his forearms, and stretched his legs out before him, crossing them at his ankles. Zevran turned his head to look at Arianna, who was sitting cross-legged facing him, and waited for her to speak.

  “Zevran,” she began and then paused, trying to decide the best way to ask her question. She studied his neutral expression for a moment, and then asked, “Where do you see our relationship going?”

  Zevran sat up straight and sighed, crossing his arms before his bare chest. “Ah… I was wondering when such a question would come up. It would seem that the time is now.” He gave her a fleeting smile and then said, “Let me say this, my lovely Grey Warden- that is completely up to you. Where we go from here, will depend on what it is you want.”

  Arianna shot him a frustrated look. “Zev… what I _want_ , is for you to tell me how you truly feel about us… about me.”

  “Has it not been obvious these past months, what I have felt about you?” he asked. “Have not I shown you how I feel?”

  “Zevran… just because you desire me doesn’t mean you…” Arianna’s voice trailed off unsure. The meaning of her unspoken words lingered in the air between them.

  “Love you,” stated Zevran simply.

  “Yes… love me,” she acknowledged softly. Arianna peered into his eyes and asked, “Do you?”

  “You ask me if I love you… but what would such a one as I know about love? How would I even know if I felt it?” he mused before glancing away from her face. “What is this feeling called love…?” he asked softly.

  Arianna wasn’t sure if Zevran was speaking to her, or to himself. She could hear the frustration and wonderment in his voice as he tried to puzzle out his true feelings.

  Uncrossing his arms, Zevran turned back to Arianna, still trying to understand what it was he felt for her. Yes, he desired her above all other women, but did that mean that he loved her? He met her steady gaze and said, “If you would ask me to stay with you, after this Blight is ended and my duty to help you is fulfilled, I would gladly bind myself to you, for as long as it so pleased you. If this is what love is… what love feels like, than yes- I love you.”

  “You would marry me then?”

  Zevran frowned at her question and then replied, “I am not sure that marriage would be the best fit for me- for us.” He then added, “It will be enough that we will share a bed and a life together, yes?”

  Zevran could see that it was not answer that she had been looking for, but he could give no other answer than that. At this point in his life, he could not commit to marriage to anyone. Not even to her. He reached over and brushed the back of his hand against her cheek.

  “I desire you above all other women, mi amore. To you I would gladly be faithful, until the end of my days. You have only to ask me to stay with you, my beautiful Grey Warden. The choice is but yours to make.”

  Arianna felt the tears gathering in the corners of her eyes. She loved this elf of hers, and she now knew that he loved her, in the best way that he knew how. But was it enough? He had been her first love… her first lover… and no matter what happened from this night forth, she would forever hold a special place for Zevran within her heart.

  “I love you, Zevran,” she said, “no matter what may happen. I will always love you.”

  “Indeed… but perhaps you could simply show me. I certainly wish to show you how much you mean to me, mi amore. Perhaps, we should start now, yes? Morning will be here all too soon, and then I will have to share you with the rest of the world.”

  Arianna placed her hand into his outstretched one, and allowed Zevran to pull her to him. Facing him, she straddled his lap, took his face between her hands and kissed his mouth until they both lost their breath and had to pull away for air. Arianna raised a hand and gently traced the tattoo he wore on the side of his face. She let her green eyes rove over the strong features of his face, studying the elf, as if she was trying to commit the smallest aspect of him to memory.

  Zevran stared at Arianna intently for a long moment and then he wrapped his strong, wiry arms around her and drew her closer to him for a long, slow kiss. As Arianna returned his kiss, Zevran suddenly had the unmistakable and plaguing feeling that the woman he loved was saying her goodbyes.


	6. Chapter 6

The next morning Arianna woke up to an empty tent. She thought for a moment that maybe Zevran had left her for good, but she noticed that much of his belongings were still strewn about here and there, in her tent. She sighed in relief. She wasn't ready to lose Zevran just yet.

 _Why? Why aren’t I ready to let go of him?_ She had no easy answer.

  Arianna sighed again and stretched her long limbs. She needed to get up and get dressed. She was starving and wondered whose turn it was to make breakfast. Arianna wrapped her blanket around her nude body and went outside the tent to look for a bucket of water to wash in.

  As she was exiting her tent, the long end of her blanket got caught on her foot and she fell headlong into Alistair, who happened to be passing by. He quickly caught her arm and pulled her against him to keep her from falling.

  "Well, I always thought that having a beautiful woman fall at my feet would be a good thing. Falling… good. Swooping… still bad." Alistair gave her a quick grin. His smile faded when he realized she was unclothed under the blanket. A look of pain darted across his handsome features when he remembered that Zevran had spent the night with her. Alistair gave her another slight smile and then set her firmly on her feet, before striding away in great haste.

  Arianna watched him leave and hated herself for hurting him. But she was still torn and had not come to a decision yet. She wrapped her blanket more firmly around her and then set off to find the bucket of water.

  Later that morning after finishing breakfast, Arianna noticed they were getting low on wood for the fire, so she asked Wynne to accompany her while she went searching for dry wood. They walked along for a time in comfortable silence, just enjoying the early part of the day. The sun was out and for once the weather was mild and fairly warm.

  "What's on your mind, young Cousland?" Wynne turned her head and regarded Arianna as they walked along side by side.

  "How did you know there was something on my mind, Wynne?" asked Arianna, slightly surprised at the mage’s perceptiveness.

  "Oh, because I am an old woman who has lived a long, long time and has learned to read a young lady's mind." She winked her eye at Arianna and smiled. "So…have you decided between the two of them?"

  Arianna looked at Wynne, startled, and stopped walking mid-stride. She stumbled and would have fallen, if Wynne hadn't grabbed her arm to steady the surprised woman. Arianna gave Wynne an inquiring look.

  "Well, it's been no secret about you and Zevran. We all do have ears you know. He seems to be very…capable." She raised an eyebrow at Arianna and gave her a slightly disapproving look.

  Arianna looked down at the ground, blushing and mumbled, "Sorry".  She always made sure that both their tents were set up as far away as possible from the rest, to give her and Zevran some semblance of privacy, but obviously it hadn’t worked.

  Wynne laughed good-naturedly. "No need to be sorry, my lady. Believe it or not, I was young once," she said. "You haven't answered my question, though. Have you decided between Zevran and Alistair? You have to make a decision and soon. It's not fair to either one to prolong the situation."

  Perplexed by how Wynne could possibly know about the feelings that she and Alistair now shared, she asked, “But how do you know about Alistair and I?”

  “Well, it hasn’t been hard to figure out,” Wynne replied, “especially when Alistair has been asking Leliana and me questions about how he should go about wooing a woman that he has feelings for.” The elderly mage gave Arianna a benevolent smile. “And remember, I did warn you that your life is an open book. There’s little that goes unnoticed around here when it pertains to the last two Grey Wardens left in Ferelden. So, I’ll ask you again, young lady, have you made your choice between the two?”

  Wynne waited for Arianna to answer her question. She could tell that Arianna was still mulling over the part about Alistair asking how to woo her.

  “Alistair said that?” she asked in amazement. “He actually used the word ‘woo’?”

  “Yes, he did,” Wynne said with a humorous chuckle. “I thought it very sweet, in fact.” She raised a brow at Arianna. “But you still haven’t answered my question, my lady.”

  Arianna gazed out into the horizon and there were unshed tears in her eyes. After a few moments had passed, she turned back to look at Wynne and said, "I care so much about Zevran… and I do love him so, but….."

  "But…?" Wynne repeated the word encouragingly.

  "But I'm not _in_ love with him, at least not in the way that I love Alistair. There has always been something missing in our relationship. I don't think Zevran and I see love in the same way. I want to be with someone that wants a permanent future with me. I want to be married someday." Arianna looked at Wynne and gave her a sad smile. “Maybe even have a child or two.”

  "Then let Zevran go," admonished Wynne. "If he is not the partner that you need, if he really isn't the one that you want, then you must let him go. Zevran will be okay. It's in his nature to survive."

  Arianna looked at Wynne and her expression clearly said that she wasn't sure if she believed that or not.

  "Come on, young lady. Let's get the wood and go back to the camp, before Alistair sends out a search party for us." Wynne chuckled to herself and went in search of dry wood for the fire.

  But Arianna knew it wouldn't be that easy. It never was when deep feelings were involved. Zevran had been her first real love, and there always would be a connection between them. Yet she knew deep in her soul that he was not the person for her. Arianna gave a despondent sigh and followed after Wynne to help her collect the wood.

  Once back at the camp, Arianna sought out Zevran and asked him to walk with her. The elf looked at her questioningly, but fell in beside her as she started walking. Arianna continued to walk in silence until she could no longer see the campsite. Then she stopped and turned to look at Zevran.

  "What is troubling you, my beautiful Warden? Such a serious look you have on your lovely face." He waited for her to tell him what was on her mind.

  Arianna looked at him sadly and her eyes began to shimmer with unshed tears. "Oh, Zevran," she whispered softly, "I do love you so." Slowly the tears began to fall. Zevran searched her eyes for the reason behind her sudden sadness, desperately hoping that his feelings were wrong and she wasn’t about to leave him.

  “Tell me what is making you so sad. I do not like to see you in such pain.”

  Arianna’s heart was breaking but she knew that she had to let Zevran go. She just hoped that he would forgive her. “Zevran…” she began, “I need to… I can’t…” Her voice was broken by a soft sob that she could no longer hold back.

  "Hush, _mi amore_. There's no need to cry." He kissed her softly and wiped the tears from her face. "You have made your choice, it seems. Alistair is a very lucky man."

  "I'm sorry, Zevran…" She gazed into his piercing eyes and she knew that he understood.

  "I have always taken my pleasure when and where I can. I live for today, for in my line of business, one never knows how long a life one may live." He smiled at her. "But until I had met you, I never thought that I would ever think past the "today", or that I would have the desire to give my heart to another. You changed that for me, and I thank you." Zevran knew that he had no choice but to let her go, but he also knew that he would always love her.

  He then took her into his arms and then kissed her one last time. The kiss was bittersweet for both of them.

  "Yes, my beautiful Warden, Alistair is a lucky man indeed… but he is not the better man." Zevran grinned at her and laughed as he buried his hurt. "Come, we should get back to the camp, before Alistair sends out a search party for us."

  Arianna shot him a strange look and remarked that earlier, Wynne had said the very same thing about Alistair sending out a search party. Zevran looked at her in amusement and shook his head at her.

  "You, my Warden, can be very blind indeed. Everyone has known that Alistair has been keeping his watchful eye on you since the very beginning. He has loved you from afar for quite a while now." He laughed at her confusion. "Even that drunken dwarf Oghren could see this."

  When they walked back into the camp, Arianna noticed that Alistair had been indeed watching for her return. He stopped his pacing and watched as Zevran left her standing at the edge of the clearing.

 _What a fool I have been not to have ever noticed his feelings!_ _And Morrigan always thought Alistair was the idiot of the group._ Arianna shook her head at herself. She caught Alistair's concerned eye and smiled at him. He walked over to her and stood by her side.

  "Is everything alright?" he asked as he watched the goings on in the camp.

  "I don't know, really. I guess it depends…" She gave him a strange little smile.

  He looked at her quizzically. "Depends? Depends on what?”

  "It depends on you, Alistair, and if you are ready and willing to share your tent with me." Arianna looked into Alistair's eyes and smiled at him tenderly.

  "Share my… tent? What are you trying to say? What are you asking me?" Alistair had a slightly confused, yet hopeful, look on his face.

  Arianna sighed in frustration. Sometime Alistair could be so dense. She looked into his eyes and spoke slowly, "I'm asking to be with you. I'm asking you to be with me. I want us to be… together. Until death, or circumstances, parts us from one another. You asked me to make a choice, Alistair. And I have- I choose you."

  A look of understanding slowly grew in Alistair's eyes. "Yes. Maker's breath, my answer is yes! I love you and I want you, my dear lady. I want you beside me always, until death, or circumstances, parts us." Alistair gazed intently into Arianna’s eyes and found the answer he had always hoped for… always yearned for. In her eyes he found love and acceptance, and desire for him.

  As Arianna returned his loving gaze, she saw reflected in his eyes everything that she had ever hoped for, everything that she could ever want or desire. In his eyes she found love and acceptance, and desire for her. In his eyes she saw a future.

  Alistair moved closer to her and touched a hand to her cheek. “I can’t imagine living my life without you. If-when- we defeat this Blight, I want us to make a home together… a real home for the two of us.”

  Arianna leaning her cheek into his hand placed her hand on his as it rested against her face. “After my parents were murdered, I never thought I would ever have a home again. I can’t imagine starting over…making a home…with anyone else but you, Alistair.”

  “And what of Zevran?” asked Alistair. “He is… out of the picture for good?”

  “He and I… are just friends now. I have told him that I have chosen you, Alistair.”

  Alistair placed his other hand to Arianna’s other cheek, and drew her head to his; he leaned in for a kiss. And as their lips met, they knew that nothing would ever separate them… in this life or in the Beyond.

 

 


End file.
